Living in the Layers

I’ve been writing lately about layers as I try to learn to paint—here and here for instance. But I want to give the last word, or at least the next, to Stanley Kunitz; his poem The Layers is below. And though I imagine Kunitz to have written this late in his life, I think it has applications for me, and for you, travelers and changers always.

Above: Another of my own attempts, in Flora’s workshop at Squam, to live in the layers. They are no match for Kunitz’s words but they struggle, I think, toward a similar understanding.

The Layers

I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being
abides, from which I struggle
not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength
to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling
toward the horizon
and the snow fires trailing
from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which scavenger angels
wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled
to its feast of losses?
In a rising wind
the manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me:
“Live in the layers,
not on the litter.”
Though I lack the art
to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter
in my book of transformations
is already written.
I am not done with my changes.

—Stanley Kunitz